SweetSunlight

 I feel as though I am underwater, the silence pushing in on me on all sides, not another living soul for miles and miles of deep blue water. I curl up against the sandy floor willing my mind to let me sleep, begging the water to enter my lungs, but they trudge on forcing me to survive in this abyss until night comes and the water turns dark and murky with mysterious bodies looming just beyond my field of vision. My past haunts me in my dreams, becoming nightmares, showing me that if I could have done just that one thing maybe things would have turned out differently.  Taunting me for believing there was nothing I could do, for not understan

when I slide that razor across my pale vulnerable skin I feel powerful. So powerful in a way that it is addicting. So powerful that it makes me "happy". I don't do it just to feel something, I do it to feel in CONTROL. I can hurt myself and nobody can fucking stop me. No one can control that part of me.